Summer

Juggling (not literally), creative block and a new chapter

Hello letter friends,
It’s been a while hasn’t it? How are you? And I mean how are you really?

I write this curled up on my bed, the warm evening sunshine pouring through the gap in the curtain, the littles are distracted by a film and a bowl of popcorn and chocolate, and I am tired. So very tired. This time last week I was living a double life, it seems, and now I am back to reality with a tiny crash of sorts. Hormones perhaps.
Let me explain. I had six whole days of child-free time which I spent working and socialising, going to bed late, having the slowest of mornings with my coffee and a book in bed. I was out most nights and lived that entire time being 100% Charlotte.
I cannot remember the last time I filled my cup, completely like that. I felt so full of joy, with a sprinkling of mum-guilt of course for having such a lovely break from parenthood. I made the most of every moment because I’m not quite sure when it will happen again.

And back to this week- where there is silver glitter embedded into the wood of the table, pieces of recycling and googly eyes made into ‘baby box’ (IYKYK), a colourful trail of lego, a permanent den made from a clothes horse and mismatched sheets, the smell of suncream and an intermittent bout of bickering and laughter. The Summer Holiday Chaos. All piled up with the usual parenting tasks and the juggling of work and childcare, holiday clubs and such like. I feel I could sleep for a week… but life won’t allow it.

But back to that one dreamy week where my cup overflowed with joy, happiness and goodness. Waking up without the rush to gather the littles and leave at a certain time, without the noise and the early breakfast demands. And yet waking at the same time still.
I saw my best friends for dinner, and coffee, I got dressed up and went on a couple of dates, I worked at the shop. I also worked at the collective makers shop on market day where I got to see fellow maker pals, and had interesting conversations with lovely customers. I had a pizza evening in, alone, with a film and some wine. It was so very nice.

I also managed to restock both the shops in that time too, it had been a while since I managed to do that. And though I have had a market in June, and two gorgeous commissions in July, I have really felt that creative struggle over the last few months.
The ideas are all there, even some designs ready to re-create, and yet I sit at my desk and feel so stuck. Which is worse because usually, lately, I have felt too exhausted in the evenings to even bring myself to sit at the desk. I want to draw, I want to make, I want to be organised before the festive season, however my body feels pulled to rest.
All I hope is that I can manage to get the motivation going because I have come so far these last two and half years to lose this now.

And speaking of the last two and a half years… Big things are happening and I don’t know if it’s this glorious Leo energy, the sunshine, or perhaps I am emerging from my goo phase and about to spread my wings. I have finally got my surname changed, and I’m back to my birth name. And though it’s just a name, my friends and family know how much I needed to do this, it was all part of my process in needing to close a chapter and begin a new. And gosh it feels empowering somewhat.

I hope to write here again regularly, filling this letter with nice things, soft moments, and fingers crossed, illustration updates. Because I have so missed sharing all of those things here.

A few small joys lately…
•A butterfly landing on my dress as I sat on a bench talking about birds, a Disney princess moment
•A lovely work pal letting me and the littles ride her horse, making core memories, together
•Holding hands on a date and feeling delightfully safe
•A phone call and chats with a new friend founded from unfortunate circumstances
•Having a desire to write again
•Feeling excited for the future when I’ve been living solely in the present for the last few years
•Being so excited for our annual trip to Scotland, which is less than a week away now!

Admittedly some of those are a little-bigger-than-small joys. What lovely joys have you been enjoying lately?

Sending warm sunshine, slow mornings and cup-filled smiles

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